Overheard: Game Informer Staff Quotables #14

Since the last edition of Overheard in May, the Game Informer staff has had a lot to say. Every time somebody said something that was a little off, amusing, or punny I popped open a text file and jotted it down. Some of these quotes may be confusing when taken out of their original context, but I hope you enjoy this bizarre glimpse into the everyday life of a Game Informer editor. Also, I should note, I only wrote down quotes that I heard while sitting at my desk so the editors that sit further away are not as well represented... except for Andy McNamara. He is loud.

Above: The view from Ben Hanson's desk. Click to expand.

"You're a robot that was programmed by a sadist." - Jeff Cork to Ben Hanson

 

"Dan wrote on his resume that he was a video savant." - Tim Turi

"I think he mispelled 'idiot'." - Jeff Cork

 

"[Lenin's preserved corpse] looks like Peter Moore." - Jeff Cork

 

Kyle Hilliard: "What? All I heard was '[male genitalia]-warmers'."

Jeff M: "Then you've heard enough."

 

"Tim, one of these days you are going to say something that's correct and then I'll agree with you." - Jeff Marchiafava

Above: Game Informer editors Dan Ryckert, Ben Reeves, Kyle Hilliard, Andy McNamara, and intern O'Dell Harmon play Nintendo Land.

"It's the royal Wii U." - Tim

 

"Tis my bowels, my lady." - Jeff M

 

"I wish I was a big ass****, I'd be so much funnier if I was." - Ben Reeves

 

"No joke. I literally bought the domain for morningdog.com" - Jim Reilly [explaining his theory that there is a demand to eat hot dogs in the morning]

 

"You're an overtly sexual man." - Ben Hanson to Tim

"Turkey Sexual... Turkasexual." - Tim

Above: The great Jim Reilly mustering every ounce of enthusiasm within him on the first day of E3 2012.

"I don't follow things blindly like Kojima fans." - Jim

"Or society's rules about 'nudity'." - Jeff Cork

 

"I can't wait for the next Modern Warfare game, it's just going to be one long explosion." - Jeff Cork

 

"That's it, I'm putting my foot down. I do it everyday, that's how I walk." - Ben Reeves

 

"What's wrong? You've got a bur in your craw?" - Ben Reeves

 

"I wish I had energy. I have to suck energy out of babies." - Jeff M

 

"Medal of Honor is inspired by actual events. We ACTUALLY went to the theater and saw The Expendables." - Jeff Cork

 

"I've been to some pretty cool raves." - Andy McNamara

 

Jeff M: "Wait... I think I called Lakitu a child-molester in a previous feature as well. Why would I do that? Oh wait, I called him a pedophile. Why would I call him a pedophile? Oh, because he uses a fishing pole to snag baby Mario off of Yoshi's back."

 

"Adam, you don't have to lie to impress us. We know you've seen Jerry Maguire." - Kyle

"No!" - Adam Biessener

"But you have played the strategy game?" - Ben Hanson

"I think it was a Civ expansion." - Tim

 

"When the moon hits your eye like a people pizza." - Ben Reeves

 

"Now you're on it!" - A new motivational exclamation from Ben Reeves

 

"Have you seen the [animated] Transformers movie yet? Your jaw will be on the floor." - Jim

"That sounds painful." - Tim

"No, your body will be on the floor as well. You will nap on the floor." - Hanson

"You're napsty. I'm a napsty boy." - Tim

 

"Wookie Tookie, you talk to Mookie." - Tim

 

"The Ed Harris Wheel." - Jeff Cork

 

"Resident boll weevil." - Jeff Cork

 

"Siddy of Meiers." - Jeff Cork

 

"LinkedIn Park." - Jeff Cork

 

Above: Tim enjoying the view of downtown Minneapolis.

"So there is a Metroid attraction in Nintendo Land? Tim, do you have a Metroid attraction?" - Ben Hanson

"I would say I'm a Metroidsexual." - Tim

 

"Did you steal my banana and then replace it with a slightly browner banana?" - Jeff M to Tim

 

"That's an interview tip from Ira Glass." - A pontificating Kyle

"Fiber Glass?" - Ben Reeves

"The host of This American Life: fiberglass. Just rubbing against the microphone." - Kyle

 

"I would rather burn the roof of my mouth than play Uncharted 3." - Jim

 

Jeff Cork miming dialogue from Assassin's Creed 3: "Oh, I forgot to do my parchment today. Blah, blah, quill."

 

"You, sir, are no Leon S. Kennedy." - Jeff Cork

 

"You know what they say... three times a joke equals the truth." - Jeff M

 

"Pandora the explora. Please kill me." - Tim

 

"Better than turtle sex cake." - Tim

Above: Tim Turi and Jeff Cork experimenting with zippers.

 

"Alright, guys. Time to cool off a little bit." Jim [in the middle of a nerf war]

"Okay, Dr. Lame!" - Jeff Cork as he shoots a nerf bullet at Jim.

 

"I mean, God wouldn't have given dogs heads if he didn't want them to wear hats." - Ben Reeves

 

"Do you think Mr. Peanut is a good conversationalist? How many sentences do you think he starts with 'As a wealthy peanut...'" - Jeff Cork

 

"More like Lion, the Witch, and the Snoredrobe." - Tim [followed by absolute silence]

 

Ben Reeves [trying to think of a crossword puzzle clue for the word "word"] - "What is a word that... means itself."

 

"SEGA Genocide." - Tim Turi

 

"Mouse pad. Mouth pad. Meowth pad... Mewtwo." - Jeff Cork

 

"It's the .gif that keeps on giving." - Matt Helgeson [while looking at a .gif of raccoons chasing a kid] 

 

"Silent Hill: Book of Mormon." - Tim

 

"When is our actual deadline?" - Reeves [talking about the magazine]

"Meh, we'll all probably die in our mid-80s or 90s." - Jim

 

"I thought this game was third person." -  Ben Hanson

"Third Pergusson." - Tim

 

Ben Reeves [pretending that he is in an audience for a school play] - "Boo! You call yourselves an adult?!"

 

Intern Mike Mahardy picking up our replica of Cloud's buster sword - "Man, this thing is heavy. You could really Sephiroth somebody with this thing."

 

"You got a lot of pots in the fryer... pan?" - Ben Reeves to Dan Ryckert