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Save Our Helicopters: A Plea To Developers
Helicopters are one of the most fragile of man’s creations, second only to red barrels. At least, that’s what video games would have us believe. I’ve been on a gaming spree lately, playing good stuff (Splinter Cell: Conviction), not so good stuff (Secret Service), and some in-between stuff (Gears of War 2). I couldn’t help but notice that in the past month, I’ve played no less than six games that have had a variation on the following scene:
EXT. WAR TORN CITY – DAY
An urban area surrounded by smoldering buildings and blackened automobile shells.
OUR HERO walks toward a parking lot, surveying the damage. Smoke pours out of gutted concrete buildings. Bodies and broken glass are strewn around in ruined clusters.
His comm unit crackles to life as the HELICOPTER PILOT starts speaking.
HELICOPTER PILOT
(excitedly)
Man, it’s good to see you made it through this alive! I’m going to set this bird down and haul your sorry ass to safety!
OUR HERO
You’re glad I made it through this alive? I’ve saved your tail many times I’ve lost count.
HELICOPTER PILOT
Yeah yeah. I’ll be sure to buy you a drink as soon as we make it back to command.
OUR HERO
Ahahahah!
The helicopter begins to descend onto the pavement. Suddenly a rocket screams toward the helicopter. The helicopter abruptly lifts up, spinning wildly.
HELICOPTER PILOT
Oh no! Mayday! Mayday! Hostile fire! Repeat! Oh no! The zone is hot!
OUR HERO
***!
The helicopter whirls away from the parking lot, smashing into a nearby building. It explodes in a massive cloud of flame. Looking at the contrail from the rocket, OUR HERO sees the assailant, a TERRORIST/ALIEN/INSURGENT/BAD GUY/REBEL/HOSTILE/RENEGADE SCIENTIST with a missile launcher.
OUR HERO
RAAAR!
Whenever I see a helicopter now, I assume that it will be shot at by a rocket. At that point, I know that it will either be knocked out of the sky or scared off by incoming fire.
Game developers: cut it out.
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