Things In My Mom's House That I Don't Understand

I'm back in Kansas City for a couple weeks to spend some time with my family and celebrate the holidays. As such, I'm spending a lot of my time at my mom's house for the first time since high school. Most of my time has been spent playing video games with my sisters, but they're over at their dad's place tonight so I've had a chance to take a look around the house I spent most of my formative years in.

Now, I know my mom's always been into weird decorating and furniture that I don't understand at all, but apparently some sort of crazy crafty switch went off after I left for college. Considering that I don't ever plan on living in a place with anything fancier than white walls and a couch for playing video games on, I might as well be visiting Jupiter when I walk into this house. Here are a few of the items that especially confounded me.

1. Chandelier made out of what appears to be saltine crackers

2. Jewel-encrusted indoor birdbath

3. Suspended candle in some kind of weird bondage cage

4. Weird stick bundle things EVERYWHERE

5. Snuggie For Dogs. Also, the fact that our dog seems to actually like it

6. This laptop cover

7. Whatever the hell this thing is

8. Everything that's happening in this picture (weird bead things in the doorway, arbitrary hubcap, ceramic head of LeBron James, etc)

9. This crap

10. The least practical mirrors ever

11. Framed photo of a squirrel

12. Bowl of what appears to be crabapples (next to another weird bundle thingy)

13. Unnervingly colorful bathroom

14. Bronze fish carrying bowl of disco balls

I could probably add 50 more, but my head is hurting too much from trying to figure out why she owns all this crap. Luckily, I brought home some things that I definitely do understand: