The Future According To Video Games

Want to know what the future holds in store for humanity? Throw away your Mayan calendar and forget about Nostradamus, because video games have been detailing our bleak, disaster-prone fate for years. Check out this infallible timeline of the future according to video games.

2010
We’ve heard reports from Russia from an Ivan Popovich of a potential alien threat. He has expressed bouts of paranoia and suggests an army is out to destroy him. Soon civilians will be taken hostage. The Earth will slowly be destroyed by expanding energy fields in Russia, Japan, the Middle East, U.S., and Europe that will imprison humans within robots. Popovich says he has a 40-foot power suit to prepare him for the invasion. He also may have had one too many hallucinogens. (Krazy Ivan)

2012
According to the Mayan calendar, magic leaves the world and returns every 5000 years. On Dec. 24, 2012 magic will return. A global corporation will send out a research team to Brazil to explore an unusual magical energy, at which point half the city of Santos, Brazil will be destroyed. Conflicts emerge during reconstruction breaking out in a full on war. Oh, and in 2012, the world will be destroyed as we know it (or so we’ve heard). (Shadowrun)

2013
According to classified documentation, in 2013 there will be a presence of alien armed forces whose name, planet of origin, and purpose are unknown. These creatures have been referenced as LEDs, or Light-Emitting Demons, because they communicate with light instead of sound, thus are demons who emit light (duh). The conflict with alien forces will be brief with heavy casualties on both sides. (RTX Red Rock)

2014
For greater firepower against outside threats, countries will begin to use powerful Private Military Companies instead of standard armies. These companies will engage in deadly airborne competition to secure contracts and establish global military supremacy. (Tom Clancy’s H.A.W.X.)

2015
The balance of power in Asia will reach a crucial juncture as advances in Star Wars technology removes the threat of global nuclear conflict presenting the opportunity for conventional war. The Soviet Union will slide into economic and social chaos while China will experience its greatest economic boom. Ethnic and religious upheavals in Kazakhstan will hit its peak thus sparking the largest armed conflict since World War II – World War III. (Force 21)

On a lighter note, thrilling entertainment will be brought stateside as part of what will be called the Drome Experience. It’s the mother f’ing “Las Vegas of racing.” Racers will compete across the most dangerous tracks ever created – ever – across a 16-lane superhighway. (Drome Racers)

And don’t think the alien invasions have been forgotten. A task group will be created in 2015 made up of highly trained warriors in charge of defending Earth from outside forces – the Earth Defense Force. (Earth Defense Force 2015)

2017
Just when you thought the aliens would lose steam, waves of Ravagers will swarm in and threaten to overtake the planet. EDF deployed. (EDF 2017)

2024
Tokyo will become oppressed by the Rokkaku Group, a mega enterprise that will use wealth and power to corrupt industry, society, and culture. We’re told the group will attempt to go after City Hall after buying off government officials and local police. Who can stop this? A group of graffiti-tagging street skaters, perhaps? (Jet Set Radio Future)

2025
The human population will have exhausted Earth’s natural resources by 2025. Governments across the world will petition to expand into space for additional resources. Things will complicate as seven years later France and Brazil will have a dispute over mining territories causing France to unleash the first ever Heavy Armor Unmanned Robot (actual title). (Carnage Heart)

2029
The grand opening of the Japan Space Station Hotel will kick off with a surprise: Bizarre alien creatures will crash the party and begin slaughtering guests on Dec. 24, 2029. Happy holidays. (Lifeline)

The assault hits stateside as well, as an army of alien invaders will plant an “Astrotube” that will connect New York City to their space station. The EDF has failed to perform their duties, thus the Special Cybernetic Attack Team, or S.C.A.T. will be formed. (S.C.A.T. Special Cybernetic Attack Team)

2033
A devastating nuclear war (cause unknown) will reduce Moscow to ruins, leaving few survivors. Protip: Hide in the metro system. (Metro 2033)

2034
Mars becomes a goldmine for resources, thus robots will be sent to the red planet to complete the labor-intensive mining task. These robots will be implanted with synthetic brains in order to work. Unfortunately, aliens will invade the mining space and reprogram the robots, turning them into a fleet of murder machines. A Machine Hunters task force is created, equipped with special suits that allow human users to mentally and physically inhabit a robot by touching it after it has been powered down. The bad news is the ship housing the task force will be destroyed leaving one survivor. Why would you place the entirety of humanity’s last hope on one ship? (Machine Hunter)

2042
In 2042 all forms of physical violence against organic life forms will be outlawed, thus RoboPit will be born. Wealthy corporations will invest in developing advanced AI machines to battle one another. (RoboPit)

2052-ish
A lethal pandemic, the Gray Death, will spread worldwide with no cure. Pharmaceutical company VersaLife will develop a synthetic vaccine, Ambrosia, that will nullify the virus, but will be very low in supply, thus will only be available to citizens vital to the social order. The world dips into chaos. (Deus Ex)

2059
Earth exhausts all resources from Mars and the moon. A starship probe will discover planet Tobal surrounded by fertile moons filled with the rarest, most powerful energy sources in the galaxy. Other planets bid to gain mining rights. To decide, a martial arts tourney will be held to see who gets to access the resources – how else would you settle such a matter? (Tobal No. 1)

2071
A new sport, Rumbling, will emerge. Players called “Wire-heads” will pilot mechs in specially built arenas. (S.L.A.I.: Steel Lancer Arena International)

2079
Mutagenic viruses will infect human and animal survivors as a result of nuclear warfare. Survivors who evade mutation will live underground hiding in fear of those who are infected. Here’s hoping the infected do not find them. (Krush, Kill, ‘n’ Destroy)

2145
The Union Aerospace Corporation will become the largest corporate entity in existence with a facility on Mars. Because of its location on Mars, the corporation can perform operations regardless of legal or moral repercussions. Employees on base will suffer from paranoia, and in some cases, insanity, which will lead to fatal accidents. (Doom 3)

2148-2183
Humans will discover new tech on Mars built by an extinct race called Protheans. By studying the technology, humanity will be able to explore outside of the solar system, eventually establishing new colonies. Alien artifacts, Mass Relays, will allow beings to instantly travel across the galaxy. (Mass Effect)

2161
The U.S. will split into two camps, Pacific and Atlantic, as a result of rising water levels from global warming. The Atlantic will focus on advancing technology while the Pacific is devoted to science and the human genome. Xenophobia toward the opposing side will peak causing warfare between both sides. (Fracture)

Government-contracted fallout shelter, Vault 13 in Southern California, will break a water chip responsible for water recycling and pumping machinery. A replacement will be needed. (Fallout)

2345
We’ll see an emergence of kickboxing cyborgs. Cyber-fight matches will reign over baseball as America’s favorite pastime. (Eternal Champions, R.A.X.)

2499
Alien forces are back, but this time will charm people into stylish, choreographed dance sequences. A savvy television reporter with hot pink locks will get the scoop on these Morolians, all the while strutting in knee-high orange boots. (Space Channel 5)

4444
It’s no wonder civilization has moved on to space; Earth will be transformed into a prison planet overrun by contras. A new world order, Neo Contra, will rise, with no intention of returning to normal civilization. (Neo Contra)

15 Million Billion
Cat aliens will steal all cats on Earth. People of the dog persuasion rejoice! Robots will step up to the plate and fight to return our feline friends back to their rightful homes. (Boombots)

Anyone looking forward to the future?