That's So Cheap!

Earlier this month, I took a look at some infuriating moments from great single-player games. However, video games have a tendency to occasionally frustrate whether you're up against a swarm of A.I. enemies or just sitting on the couch with three of your best friends. Here are some of the most egregious affronts to common decency and sportsmanship that you'll see during supposedly friendly gaming sessions.

DONKEY KONG'S SUICIDE DRAG TO HELL (Any Smash Bros.)

Unlike some other entries on this list, this one has no discernible benefit for the jerk performing it. It exists only to anger people, and because of this it might be the supreme annoying move in multiplayer gaming. Donkey Kong's throw attack was preceded by him grabbing his foe and hoisting them up onto his back. While he's holding them, he has the full ability of walking around the level. Naturally, this meant he could simply walk off the edge with enemy in tow. Barring any miraculous last-second spin boost to a nearby ledge, this always resulted in Donkey Kong falling to his doom as well. I knew several people in junior high that would spend entire matches doing nothing but this. Find enemy. Grab enemy. Walk off ledge with enemy. In the process, they abandoned any hope of being invited to future Smash Bros. sessions.

STEALING CARE PACKAGES (Modern Warfare 2)

We're only a little over a month separated from Modern Warfare 2's release, but a game this big is bound to immediately inspire various underhanded tactics. Already, spammers have exploited the Javelin glitch, found infinite ammo bugs, and angered everyone with their use of insanely-overpowered Akimbo shotguns. However, one of the most unforgivable tactics is one that requires no hacking or cheating whatsoever. Earning a care package is a nice reward, congratulating you on killing four enemies without being downed yourself. That's why it's so insulting when a member of your team decides to mooch off your hard work and snag your care package right from under you. That pride and sense of accomplishment you feel when you hear "Care package ready" can immediately be replaced by anger directed towards a selfish gamer that's supposed to be your teammate.

RUNNING AWAY FROM YOUR OPPONENT WHEN HE HAS A FINISHER READY (Any N64 wrestling game)

THQ and AKI were absolutely on fire when it came to wrestling games on the Nintendo 64. WCW/NWO Revenge, WWF Wrestlemania 2000, and WWF No Mercy are still considered to be the greatest wrestling games ever made by many sports entertainment fans. Each of these games controlled almost identically, and the entire strategy revolved around building up your Attitude meter (or "Spirit" meter in the WCW versions) until you were able to pull off a finisher. Most matches were won with a flashy People's Elbow, Stone Cold Stunner, Pedigree, Tombstone Piledriver, or Sweet Chin Music. Unfortunately, many opponents would simply flee the ring as soon as they saw your special meter flash, leaving you with a limited amount of time to catch them before it went away. In one-on-one matches, there really wasn't any way to catch them before your match-ending finisher went to waste. Also, those that used this tactic were typically the same type that would hit you in the nuts every time they got up from the mat, complete with hilarious sound effect.

SPAMMING "DA BOMB" (NFL Blitz)

When I was first putting this list together, I was trying to think of a play in a sports game that worked literally every time I tried it. I remembered "Da Bomb" from NFL Blitz on the Nintendo 64, but it had been a while since I had played and I thought I'd test it out. Thankfully, Game Informer has a Blitz cabinet in pristine condition in our lobby, so I invited Ben Reeves to come play for a bit. I immediately showed him the play select screen and pointed to "Da Bomb," explicitly explaining that I would be using that play every single time, and I'd always be passing to the leftmost receiver. He was encouraged to do anything he could to stop the play, but sure enough I connected 100% of the time and scored an effortless touchdown. You could go through an entire season using nothing but this play, and you'd be set as long as you passed to the leftmost receiver. To make extra-sure you'd be untouchable, you could always turbo back and do the old jump-pass to avoid any would-be sacks. Try this approach out in multiplayer and you'll fully deserve the flurry of elbow drops that your WR is bound to receive in the end zone after his touchdown.


THE LAST SECOND SHELL (Mario Kart)



To be fair, Mario Kart is a series that is inherently filled with frustration due to its rubber band A.I. This is strictly an A.I. tactic, but there are opportunities for flesh-and-blood opponents to earn cheap advantages as well. By hoarding a blue or red shell until the very end, it was entirely possible to steal the race at the last possible second by sending an unavoidable turtle-based projectile towards the unfortunate racer in the lead. It didn't matter if you had avoided every obstacle and performed perfect powerslides around every corner, your victory could be taken away at the last second by a friend that's held onto a blue shell since the very first lap.


SIDESTEPPING ANY ATTEMPT AT STRATEGY WITH ZANGIEF'S SPIN (Street Fighter IV)

Achievement whores were quick to realize that the arcade mode of Street Fighter IV could be easily beat on any difficulty using Zangief's spin move. Not only are A.I. opponents useless against the move, but it's also insanely easy to pull off. It only requires you to press three punch buttons at once, which means you can easily map the move to a single shoulder button. This means that you can trounce the usually-infuriating Seth on the hardest difficulty by doing nothing but moving forward and repeatedly tapping one button. Some gamers have taken this into the multiplayer realm as well, which can result in a world of hurt if you don't have a projectile-based fighter. Worse yet, you're not even in the clear if you do have fireballs in your arsenal. On top of the massive damage Zangief's spin inflicts, it also causes projectiles to float completely through him, essentially making him a giant, spinning Russian killing machine.

PLACING PROXIMITY MINES ON SPAWN LOCATIONS (Goldeneye 007)

Considering that Goldeneye was one of the first huge console FPS hits, it's no surprise that it was a little rough around the edges. Spawn points were limited and always in the same places every time on every map. Many gamers played ungodly amounts of this game, so naturally they started to learn where these locations were. Once they had the locations memorized, it was just a matter of sprinkling proximity mines all over each of them like some sadistic Johnny Appleseed. After they were placed, the next kill became a chain reaction of explosions and death until all the spawn points were exhausted. If you had a friend that regularly used this tactic while also playing as Oddjob, chances are you're not friends with them anymore (and for good reason).

How about you? What cheap tactics do your friends (or you) tend to spam in multiplayer?